Saturday, May 31, 2014


“Of course, I didn’t want to tell Carlos about my nightmares and strange dreams. I didn’t want to tell him that I am for years a captive of my own dreams. Chasing after something that I didn’t know if I would ever find or if it exists at all. It almost costs me losing my business. But, sometimes, I would just get that urge to get up and go and search for it. And I didn’t know where. And last night some strange voice was echoing in my brain, telling me over and over again – “Go to Portugal.”  So here I am.”


Our eyes serve two masters, our soul and our mind. Our soul see much further than our mind, so it is not a surprise that we often feel what is ahead of us even before it is registered by our physical ability to perceive. It is really that our soul sees it before our mind.
There is this old expression that everybody knows, which says that the eyes are the mirrors of the soul. I always thought that to be true. But, somehow, whenever I look at your eyes, I see my soul, not yours. And I don’t know what to think about it.


You say you can’t live without hope? But hope is our biggest enemy. It does not bring realization. It just prolongs suffering.


“Listen, I am going to hang up now”- I said.
“Oh, go ahead. That is what you always do. It is so you. Wouldn’t surprise me. Just make sure you don’t hang up on her one day when you find her. She must be human after all. And nobody likes to be hung up on. So, be careful.”

(From the WEEKEND IN FARO by Stevan V. Nikolic)

Thursday, May 29, 2014

AMO"s GORGE - A Story About the Last Unicorn

The unicorn is a legendary animal that has been described since antiquity as a horse like animal with a large, pointed, spiraling horn sticking out from its forehead. It was usually described as very wild forest creature, a symbol of purity, grace, and independence, which could only be captured by a virgin. It was believed in the old times that its horn has the power to turn poisoned water drinkable and to heal sickness. According to legend, there were many unicorns inhabiting the earth centuries ago, but slowly, under the advance and pressure of the human civilization, they disappeared.
In the mountains of  Southern Portugal, somewhere in the region of Alentejo, there is a ravine called “Amo’s gorge”. I was there some time ago, and heard from the locals the story of the last unicorn called Amo. According to the story, there were really two unicorns. Male Amo and female Ama. But nobody could tell me what happened to Ama. Some believe that she is still somewhere around running through forests and over the meadows. At least, that is what the legend says.

This is how the story goes. Some three hundred years ago, there were two last unicorns left in the world. Male called Amo and female called Ama. They really didn’t know each other, because they inhabited different lands, but they felt each other’s existence. Often, they would dream of each other and felt some strange longing, like they belonged together. But, life was going on, and they lived their lives separately never expecting that they will ever meet.

Ama was young unicorn, happy with her being, proud of her independence and freedom. She often looked at other animals wondering why they allowed humans to tame them and use them. She couldn’t understand them. She enjoyed every bit of nature that surrounds her. She loved wild flowers, cold streams, deep and mysterious woods, sounds of wind in the trees, music of birds. And she could only feel complete feeling the land, roaming over mountains and through valleys. She felt the wholeness of creation. She knew that she was one of the most majestic living creatures still around. And she was proud of it.
Once in a while, humans would see her running over lands and they admired her beauty and grace. Of course, they wanted to catch her and tame her, but she would never allow that. She enjoyed their admiration and liked to play with them. She really enjoyed attention they were giving her. So, sometimes, Ama would even let some humans come close and touch her, manipulating their senses, just so they could feel that she is real and not a dream. And then she would run away, leaving them wondering what happen, and often, leaving them sad for missed opportunity to catch such a precious animal.

She wasn’t sure what she felt about people, but she was sure that she never wanted to give up her freedom and the wholeness and happiness that she felt running aimlessly through the wilderness. It was who she was, and she didn’t want to change. For nothing in the world.
On other side, in completely other part of the world, lived Amo. He was a different story. Like Ama, being unicorn, he loved all the same things, and was proud of his independence and freedom.
He was quite older than Ama, but still very strong male unicorn. But being male, he always had a need to prove his strength and superiority over other animals. He always needed a recognition for who he was. Especially from humans.

So, occasionally, he would allow them to catch him, and make them believe that they tamed him. For a while he would work on their fields, pull their carriages, run in the horse races, and do everything they asked from him, just to show his superiority and strength, and to enjoy admiration by humans. But then, he would get bored by it and run away always leaving a damage behind him. He would knock down barns, break fences, run over crops he was working on, pull out wines, always wanted to show to humans that he can’t be used, and wanting them to pay for the belief that he could be tamed. And then he would run free over lands until the next time he would allow humans to catch him.
Over the time the word spread around among humans of Amo, and many very angry humans were trying to catch him and punish him for the damage he was always leaving behind him. Some were even claiming, that he was not a real unicorn, but just a wild horse who deserve to be put down. For them, unicorns were gracious beings, who would never act like him. Amo didn’t care about their opinion. He knew well who he was and continued running through life same way.

But after many years, he got tired of the game he played, and decided to settle somewhere where nobody knows him, in different part of the world, and avoid humans forever. He came to the mountains of Alentejo, not knowing that he moved to the lands that Ama was inhabiting.
One morning, he was standing on the high ridge, enjoying the warmth of the early morning sun, when suddenly in the distance he saw Ama running over the fields. He couldn’t believe his eyes. She was the most beautiful creature he ever saw. She was the one from his dreams. His heart started pounding fast. She saw him too. Ama was equally excited, but cautious. On one side, she was happy to see other unicorn. He was a bit old, but still appeared strong and handsome. She was asking herself if it is possible that he is the one whose existence she sensed all her life. She wasn’t sure if she would come closer. She was always afraid of being disappointed.

But Amo run into her direction. He was running fast, trying to impress her and show his strength. For a while they were running parallel but on the distance examining each other. By each mile, Amo was coming closer and closer. Ama was still afraid, but she was allowing him to shorten their distance. In the evening they came to the same meadow. They were drinking water from the same spring carefully observing each other.
Finally, Amo came to Ama. She wasn’t moving. Just looking at him. They could hear each other’s heart. He touched her.  They lay next to each other their bodies touching. It was a glorious feeling for both of them. A sense of completion. Of dreams come true.

In the morning they woke up and continue running and walking through woods enjoying surrounding and most then everything, enjoying each other. Ama was really happy. At last, a real unicorn next to her. Somebody that will understand her. Somebody that will not try to tame her. Somebody to share joy of freedom and of the creation without limits, without conditions. Somebody of the same kind. She couldn’t believe that it would ever happened, but it seemed that it was right here, in front of her eyes.
She still had her doubts, being all her life by herself, the only unicorn. But he was here, strong and true.
Amo was also happy. He promised never to leave her side. That he will always be there for her. But Ama didn’t want him to be there for her, but with her. She never felt that she need any protection or help. She was strong enough and wise enough to care about herself. She wanted to be with Amo as two equal independent beings, respecting and enjoying each other’s freedom. She wanted to share the greatness of her pure love, the experiences of nature. She wanted to be enriched by the presence of the same soul, not restricted or slowed down. She wanted to share the affection for the things they both cherished.

Well, Amo knew what Ama wants. He wanted the same. But time he spent around humans changed him a bit. On one side, he wanted to run with Ama to the end of times, and enjoy their togetherness in the freedom of open fields, forests and mountains. On other hand, he also wanted to have a place that will be their home. Somewhere, where they can settle and feel the warmth of their togetherness.  
But home that he was thinking about was a human category. For unicorns, home was the whole universe. Space without boundaries. That was what Ama called home. Anyway, Amo was persistent. He took her to the ridge he discovered. He wanted to make there a garden for her full of different fruits and plants. She looked at him thinking that he was playing a childish game. Why would unicorns ever want a small garden to work in, when the world was a huge garden ready to be explored. Nevertheless, for a while, she enjoyed in a play, even helping him in making the garden.

Yes, she was thinking, maybe once in a while, they can stop there and rest. But for her settling somewhere was impossible thing. Something that she thought she would never enjoy. Amo failed to realize that she wants next to her equally independent and free unicorn. Somebody that she can admire for his freedom. She wanted to give him her love, but she didn’t want to sacrifice her liberty. It was not the nature of unicorns. She would be unhappy forever. And she didn’t want him to sacrifice anything for their love and togetherness either.
Amo was of different mind. He thought if he settle down, build a home, that she would join him. Too many years spent with the humans blurred his mind. He was thinking like humans. So, he sacrificed his freedom and settle on the ridge. He wanted to show Ama that for her love he will sacrifice even a freedom of a unicorn. He was waiting for her patiently.

And Ama would come once in a while and spent time with Amo. She truly loved him and she hoped that he would realize his true nature and continue to run around with her as unicorns should, and forget those ideas of home.

But Amo was persistent and kept remaining on the ridge. She was getting less and less excited of going there. It was just a ridge, one of many in the mountains of Alentejo. And she was losing her patience with Amo. She couldn’t understand how a true unicorn could act like a human. True unicorn would never sacrifice his freedom, not even for love. Freedom is a part of true love. For unicorns, love was an unconditional category. His sacrifice she actually saw as weakness. Something that will made him lose her respect, not gain her love. She heard some of the stories that humans were spreading around about Amo, and sometimes, she was asking herself – What kind of unicorn would ever act like that. Maybe he is really some wild horse pretending to be unicorn. Is it possible that she made mistake about him.  So one day, she couldn’t look at him like that anymore. He didn’t appear as a unicorn from her dreams. She almost felt sorry for him. That was not Amo that she first met. Fast and strong unicorn running with her shoulder to shoulder. And she told him she would not come back anymore to the ridge. That everything was a mistake. And she left. She was disappointed and hurt, but she knew that nothing will lower her spirit once she is back running over open field and through deep woods. It was the open air of the high mountains  that made her feel alive. For her, it was better if Amo remain as he was, just in her dreams.
Amo stayed on the ridge feeling sorry for himself and for the lost love. He couldn’t believe that she really left. He neglected his garden and soon he stayed without food. He didn’t eat for days. He didn’t want to eat. He didn’t want to live. He didn’t care about anything anymore. All he was thinking was Ama. Finally, he realized how big mistake he have made. All she wanted from him was to be who he was, a true unicorn. He was angry with himself for acting like a human. How could he be so stupid.

As he was laying for days on the ridge, humans from the valley who were trying to find him and punish him, noticed him there. They started advancing up the hill, getting more and more eager to make him pay for his bad deeds. He looked at them approaching. He wasn’t sure if he wants to run or stay there and wait for his destiny. But something inside him told him that he should jump and run. That he should try to be a true unicorn. Maybe one day, doesn’t matter when, Ama will meet him again. He will show her that he is the one, a true unicorn. The one from her dreams.
He stood up slowly. He couldn’t go down the hill. Humans were closing his escape route. The only way was to jump from the ridge to another ridge over the deep ravine. He looked at the distance. He used to jump further than that before. He will make it, he thought. Then he jumped. But his muscles were weak and his body wasn’t anymore what it used to be. Days laying down without food and water took their toll. He didn’t make to the next ridge. He fell into deep ravine and died there.

Humans came to the edge of the ridge looking down at his motionless and bloody body. One of them said. – “Well, they were right. After all, he was not a unicorn, just a wild horse who met his deserved destiny.  Real unicorn would jump this distance.”
Years later, at the place he fell, a spring broke out from the rock with abundance of extremely pure and fresh water. Local people were talking about the magical properties of the water that was healing many illnesses. Some local people remembered that unicorn fell and died there and connected those two things, so they named spring – Amo’s spring and the gorge – Amo’s gorge. Some say, it was just as he would want it. He always craved human recognition. Now he finally had it forever.

Once in a while, people would swore that they saw Ama coming down to the gorge to dring water from the Amo’s spring. But those were only stories. People like fairytales.
(A short story from the works in progress by Stevan V. Nikolic - unedited version, May 2014)


Tuesday, May 13, 2014

The New Alchemy

Trying to define Alchemy is almost impossible task taking into account the immensity of its complex content. Sometimes it seems that the only way to give a proper definition is by perceiving it on three different levels: on the practical level – as both forerunner and the successor of natural sciences; on the spiritual level – as applied system of  philosophical teachings; and on the absolute level – as a “blueprint” of Creation and its workings.

As the practical discipline, Alchemy is regarded as the precursor of the modern sciences, but with the mystical or spiritual components.  Numerous procedures, methods, formulas, and devices, created and developed by Alchemists, are still in use in modern chemistry, pharmacology, medicine, and physics. They are credited with the identification of many chemical elements and the formation of the basic periodic table. Their contribution to metallurgy was significant as well, particularly in developing methods associated with the use of fire to purify or change physical attributes of the metals.

Most of those interested in practical Alchemy today are pursuing research in holistic medicine and much less in the transmutation of basic metals into gold. So, in many ways, practical Alchemy today could be regarded as proto-chemistry. However, new and exiting discoveries of modern physics and Quantum theory are causing that contemporary physicists are turning more and more their attention to the Alchemical hermetic concepts of our inner world and of the universe in order to explain some puzzling aspects of their findings.

On the spiritual level, as applied philosophical concept Alchemy is a process of inner separation, transformation, and new integration. Our minds and our bodies are nothing else but vessels for purifying and transforming many levels of our consciousness. By changing our own consciousness, we change our relation to the universe. Famous Alchemist Paracelsus describes Alchemy as “the voluntary action of man in harmony with the involuntary action of nature”. We can say that Alchemy is a broad philosophical vision of the whole creation, built on the universal correspondence system. It is a mystical quest, with the main objective of liberation of the soul from the world. Alchemy teaches about unity of existence underlying mind and body, psyche and matter. It is an art of resurrection of spirit in the realm of matter that raises our consciousness about who we are, where are we coming from, and where are we going. It is a method of aligning ourselves with the whole of the creation.

On the absolute level,  as a “blueprint” of Creation and its workings, it is  concept  rooted in the ancient Hermetic philosophy, of  the  complete unity and interactivity of the existence of man and the limitless realities of the vast Creation in all its perfection, beauty, and harmony. "As above so as bellow" as it was written on the Emerald Tablet......

( From "The New Alchemy" by Stevan V. Nikolic)

Poema "O meu olhar" - Fernando Pessoa

Thief of Dreams

"Her love was so pure, so deep, so universal, expressed to the whole of the creation, that directing her love to one single person often seemed to her like the limitation of her feelings, like the loss of the freedom to be who she really was. And she was longing for the man that will understand and love her the same way she loves, without asking from her what she couldn’t give."

— S.V.N., Michael Nicolau Trilogy: "Thief of Dreams" (to be released soon)

On The Square

The hardest stone to cut and carve is within us.

Each individual's life starts with a new rough stone waiting to be discovered by a willing Apprentice.

As human beings, we are connected in many ways to each other, to the nature that surrounds us and to the outermost parts of the Universe. Our existence is not manifested only on the visible physical level, but on many other levels. In the occasional excursions to our collective unconscious through dreams and altered states of mind, we realize that there is much more to our destiny than what we see when we open our eyes in the morning. The whole universe lives on life, breaths at the same speed the air of Divine Creation.

(From the book "On The Square - Decoding Freemasonry" by Stevan V. Nikolic)

Twenty Six Days Before Grace

She often looked at the lives of others as at the show she didn’t want to play. It was a storyline, distorted and fake, with predictable beginning, plot, and end, confining their characters to the suffocation of the heavy book covers, without any chance of ever feeling free and their own. She always wanted to have a complete life with a sense of purpose, but the one she lived so far, made her feel repulsive and detached. Rejecting uniformity and compromise, she was watching this, for her, strange phenomenon, of people molding each other in the forms suitable for their togetherness. It was the worst kind of degradation and manipulation of one’s soul – she thought - twisted picture of warmth and unity, uncertain experiment in happiness. So, she didn’t want any part of this so typical and calculable life experience. It was just a spectacle, so distant and unattainable. She didn’t know if she would ever be ready for it.

Defiant to the demands of life, she kept running away from her true needs. To her, they were just mindless and frantic echoes of anxiety and adversity. And she denied and rejected them like monstrous apparitions, jolting the image of herself. They were the major cause of the uninvited lethargy. To discard them meant to awaken the spark of desire for change. Constant change. It was the only thing that made her feel herself.

Suddenly, all this noise in her head stopped and she began to enjoy in the silence. After so long and relentless mind quest she had found peace in being with herself. She sat quietly and felt that bitterness and anger were leaving her. Nevertheless, some unclear energy, irrational hallucinations and dreams were accompanying her even when she was completely calm. She already felt an intimacy with them and seemed to be seeking the comfort of mind in these dream creations. With them she was never alone, and they were almost always faithfully serving her desires and kept her on the course she was comfortable with. They were sending an unquestionable message to everyone – this was her own world.
Or at least, it was like that until now.

And then, an unexpected multitude of thoughts from him spilled over to her. Who was he? What gives him the right to disturb her dreams? His thoughts were like army of invincible outlaws and the enemies of her common sense. Armed with deception and cunning, artists of fraud and undisputed rulers of manipulation, reinforced with the desire to enter her dreams, and place him there as the only solution for her destiny. How did he ever managed to get so far? He knew all her tricks. He was almost like the mirror image or the male version of herself. Yet, she wasn’t ready to accept him as her counterpart. Her world of dreams was just that – dreams. And he wanted to pull them out and materialize them in time and space. What nerve! What lunacy! He was either a bigger dreamer than herself or a reckless player in the game of life. He made her feel happy and complete, but the idea to achieve that in reality was too scary and a dangerous thought. She already felt the loss of herself, the collapse of the power of her imagination. She was being suffocated by her own love for this uncommon man.

Even if this conversion of dreams into reality was possible, her everyday life was far too common to fit such glorious dreams – she thought. One or the other would collapse. And in some ways, she even liked her life. Of course, it was nothing like her dreams, but it made her feel secure and in control. She never cut the cord with her childhood and that connection with her roots were a big share of the feeling of being the part of the whole circle of existence. She didn’t want to lose that connection. Not for anything.

And he knew all of that. Yet he was determined in his ambition. Of course, he was aware of all obstacles they were facing. But he believed in her dream. After all, it was his dream too. She kept him in there all her life. She allowed him to find her. And he loved her for it. He loved her eternally. But he thought that the world we live in would never get this far without dreams. It was made of dreams. Even the Good News came first in a dream to Santa Maria.

Their good news will come true as well… In twenty six days… in Santa Maria. He knew that.

(An excerpt from the book “Star – The Book Of Life” by Stevan V. Nikolic)